I was just starting my cycling class today when a friend, and personal trainer of the YMCA, cut through my class by means of a door I propped open to the beautiful outside. It was a great way to start off my class.....with a friendly face , an upbeat personality and a few minutes conversation. This same guy , Paul, is running the Boston on the 21st of this month. He has also allowed me and several other Y members to run along side of him during his long runs so we could talk and forget about how many laps around the track it takes to make a mile.

Paul asks me if I was doing the 10K he's putting on at the end of the month. I said that I was pretty sure, but I needed to make it official. Then I started in with the excuse that I think I've been depressed, but never got to explain why I said that. Anyhow he left with my blog address and probably wondering if I'm mental.

I guess I am self diagnosing myself, but think I have pretty good reasons for my findings....the big move to MN. Anyway, It all come clear to me when I read some of my older posts. Let me start off by saying....So sorry. I'm either a really boring person or I am depressed. The only time's I am happy or express my happiness is when the sun is shining and the temps have been warm. I've put so much emphasis in this blasted weather and I have let it define my happiness.

So now to explain again why I said what I said to Paul, the marathoner, and started in with my excuses.....
I haven't felt like I've wanted to compete lately. I don't feel like I'm in a pool of fish in the comforts of Henderson anymore, but rather in a sea of sharks in Minnesota. I describe myself as being very competitive, but lately don't have the same feeling. Am I just too scared of not doing well? And when I say well, I mean placing in my age group or winning my age group. Have I been spoiled? Am I really as competitive as I think I am? Or has my competition been too easy to beat(that was not meant to be mean)? Am I like the guy who relishes in the glory of his days as the star quarter back in high school?

Here's a pic me and Sam after winning my age group at the Tri Fest 5K in 2007.

Maybe I need to enter a few races and see if I get the race bug again. Maybe I shouldn't put so much pressure on myself and having to always do well. Maybe I'm just spoiled and need to come down off my high horse and accept what my abilities are and try to improve on them.

Who knows. Maybe I do need a therapist? Ha!

Any thoughts?